I think it would certainly be reasonable to say that all of us tend to take points directly. It is simply that some people have a greater propensity compared to others to do so. And, when it happens, some people are better able to deal with it within ourselves compared to others.
Taking points directly is never ever healthy and balanced in any connection: employer-employee, friend-friend, husband-wife, partner-partner, parent-child,... for a variety of factors. One main such factor is that, if you do take points directly, after that your sensations will continually go to the grace of others - whether they assaulted you directly or otherwise. That's never ever healthy and balanced in a connection, and it's no chance to live!
If you're someone that has the tendency to take points individuals say or do directly, after that I want to show you a bit trick I have found that truly helps. It involves understanding why individuals sometimes do what they do and seeing that often what they do has absolutely nothing to do with us which, therefore, there's no need to take it directly. I will share this trick through 2 connection concepts.
Connection Concept 1: Individuals sometimes are self-centered. This concept may sound negative but birth with me.
I think that it's an indisputable truth that all of us have self-centered propensities. However, some people are more self-centered compared to others. And some people can become self-centered provided the right circumstances.
By understanding and approving that individuals sometimes are self-centered, after that we understand that sometimes individuals:
- will think just in regards to what is best for them,
- will see points just from their own viewpoint,
- will want to be right about everything,
- will want to have points their way constantly,
- will not consider how what they do affects others,
- and so forth...
As a result, sometimes individuals will do what they do simply because they are motivated by narcissism! And if they are motivated by narcissism, after that there's no reason we should take directly points they do and say as their activities had absolutely nothing to do with us. In truth, you could say that their activities has revealed you simply how self-centered they are.
For instance, if someone reduces you when you're driving, do not take it directly. Simply inform on your own, "he or she has simply revealed me how self-centered s/he is by reducing me off... it's absolutely nothing individual!"
Connection Concept 2: Individuals constantly have a factor for doing what they do. This concept is one that I discovered about individuals some time back.
This concept doesn't imply that individuals are constantly right about what they do. Neither does it imply that they should constantly be excused for their activity. It also doesn't imply that they themselves constantly know why they did what they did. But there's nonetheless constantly a factor!
Here are some factors that I can think about that would certainly cause individuals to do what they sometimes do (perhaps you can think about others):
- previous unmet needs,
- present needs,
- present desires,
- previous unsettled problems or disputes,
- previous harms,
- present worries,
- present hang ups,
- ulterior intentions or hidden program,
- present instabilities,
- previous choices,
- vanity problems,
- personality conditions such as: narcistic propensities, ADD, ADHD, lack of compassion,...
- and so forth...
As a result, sometimes individuals will do what they do simply because they are motivated by that they are and the "luggage" they carry! And if they are motivated by such points, after that there's no reason we should take directly points they do and say. In truth, you could say that their activities has revealed you that they act as they do because they "have problems". Again, absolutely nothing to do with us and therefore absolutely nothing individual!
For instance, I know a 12-yearl old boy that once informed his step-mother "I love you" just to be provided the respond "Yes, well you have an amusing way of showing it!" Needless to say the boy was deeply hurt by the respond (and naturally so). The way to assist that boy is to assist him understand that, although the step-mother's remark seemed such as an individual attack on him, the respond truly reveals that the step-mother is as an individual which it was absolutely nothing individual.
To conclude, the trick to not taking directly points individuals say and do is to understand and approve that sometimes individuals are self-centered and/or they "have problems", which their behavior often has absolutely nothing to do with us. You can also transform points about and say that their behavior betrays that they truly are. This will help you shift the focus from you (which is partially why you take points directly) and place it on them (which will help you not take points directly).
